Midlife Crisis or realignment to the self…

So I bought a new car… Yes, I’m half a century old and it is a sports car. After telling my son he stated he wanted to call it my mid-life crisis. I told him that was fine and we moved on. But it has been sitting with me for days.

A few years ago both my children basically moved away to start their own lives. It was a major event in my world, where we had daily interactions, they be came much less frequent. I went into a self searching mode for a few months, asking the question,

“What do you do when your whole life for the past 23 years was focused on being a parent, and that comes to an end?”

For the first time in my life, since I was 25 years old, I was not directly responsible for the well-being of another human being. I was only truly responsible for myself. It was crazy making going through the release of the parenting mode I had lived in for years and years, and it was about a 2 year process to come to terms with.

So, I started thinking about what I want to do, what I want to have, and who I want to be…

It is not so much a midlife crisis as it is a continuation of where life was before it diverted to parenting. I loved being a parent. It was hard and stressful at times, but it was a wonderful feeling to work to be my best self and guide my children as I could to step into their lives.

Now I am slowly working into my life again. One where my children are not as intertwined with me, and I can create the life that is unfolding before me.

New beginning? Yes. Crisis, no.

I can’t wait to see where this takes me… The journey continues…

Oh, here is a picture of the car I bought… I love it.



The struggles never seen…

We have all heard or have seen the words, “Be kind, everyone is fighting their own battles.” And yet, as Carolyn Myss so aptly pointed out, we still see others as guilty, and we are innocent. 

How the battle rages in each and everyone of us, and how hard we work to keep the illusion alive by pretending it isn’t hard, it isn’t scarry, and it isn’t always a state of unknowing.

I deal with my own struggles daily. Bi-polar, dyslexia, depression and a myriad of smaller self created challenges that I attempt to navigate through the video game of the matrix we live within. 

Existential angst, is the best term I have sellected to describe the daily self impossed impediment to just accepting the reality that life allows me to create before me. Some times I forget that I have the choice to alter my perception, thus altering my outcome, and release the expectations I may hold for myself in any given situation.

I used to, at another point in my experience, spin down the rabbit hole of depression and anxiety. Having no clue as to what the next movement, in the orchestral composition of my life is asking of me. Sometimes, this would last for months. Now, at most a day. 

Each of the me’s, I have been throughout my life, has had to choose to continue even in the face of annihilation. I have grown accustomed to the game of unfolding growth, and the request for a new way of seeing the present circumstances. My modus operandi, to be Quixotic, in my approach.

For the most part I do this well. And at other times I crash and burn. Each time learning just a little more, giving me knowledge and experience to call upon the next time the same type of situation shows itslef in my life.

I am learning to adapt to the world in a new perception. One that allows me to step further into the realm of superposition possibilities. Knowing that the external world is my playground, as it would not exist, if it weren’t for my perception of it. Many believe it is the other way around. That the universe is a force for us to reckon with, not, it has to rekon with us.

If I truly rely on my ultimate superpower, the combination of thought and emotion, as a creative expression of accepting nothing other than what my mind sees as the outcome. The universe, truly, can do nothing but comply to the vision held. As the adage;

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘ Move from here to there,’ and it will move.”

I have started to change my words in certain situations, not perfected yet, but a practice. As the statement I made above; “At another point in my experience.” Has replaced any statement to express a passing of time, as time is a construct of my perceptual field interacting with the accepted agreement that time exists, even though it has been proven to “kind of” exist, when we want it to. It is not a set reality. That has been proven enough for me to not interact with time in the way I was tought. 

The same goes for space. Space-time has been created for us to experience the 3d realm we have projected ourselves into. It is not reality. It is a Holo-deck created for the experience of human perceptual stimulus reception. Science has shown us that through our senses, we percieve very little of the known universe. We were designed to work within a certain set of peramiters, non of which have to be finite. 

As I choose to release myself from the struggle against the current of what life and I places before me. I can then choose, with emotionally driven acceptance of the outcome, that life can unfold in ways I have yet to truly accept. 

But I know those ways are out there… and I will surpass the past evolutionary consciousness of normal, and in time, fly within the harmonic cosmic currents that bind the vibrational octives and frequencies of the etheric realms we have available to us…

3d is not the end game. It is time to raise the bar to the frequency of Love. The golden mean ratio of 1.618… the ratio of life in which there is no beginning or end.  This is how we change the world…

And the journey continues…

Blessings ,Love and Light to you and those you hold dear. In your hearts and in your shadows.


The calm in the storm…

So I read today about a bill put forth in Congress, it is the bill that will kill not only our educational system, but working to continue the path of creating unhealthy children.

H.R.610 — 115th Congress (2017-2018)

Choices in Education Act of 2017

This bill repeals the Elementary and Secondary Education Act of 1965 and limits the authority of the Department of Education (ED) such that ED is authorized only to award block grants to qualified states.

The bill establishes an education voucher program, through which each state shall distribute block grant funds among local educational agencies (LEAs) based on the number of eligible children within each LEA’s geographical area. From these amounts, each LEA shall: (1) distribute a portion of funds to parents who elect to enroll their child in a private school or to home-school their child, and (2) do so in a manner that ensures that such payments will be used for appropriate educational expenses.

To be eligible to receive a block grant, a state must: (1) comply with education voucher program requirements, and (2) make it lawful for parents of an eligible child to elect to enroll their child in any public or private elementary or secondary school in the state or to home-school their child.

No Hungry Kids Act

The bill repeals a specified rule that established certain nutrition standards for the national school lunch and breakfast programs. (In general, the rule requires schools to increase the availability of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and low-fat or fat free milk in school meals; reduce the levels of sodium, saturated fat, and trans fat in school meals; and meet children’s nutritional needs within their caloric requirements.)

Basically, this will eradicate the separation of church and state. Taking public monies and allowing it to be used to send children to Christian Schools. No questions asked. Also, states like Texas, where the population is so full of fear and pride, the must carry an assault rifle to pick up a loaf of bread. Get to rewrite the school book curriculum to dumb down the children so they can’t grow past the level of consciousness of the adults, because of course, they are the only ones who know what is right. Whether they are alternative facts or not.

Also, if you read to the bottom, it will eliminate healthy food programs for the children in public schools. So giving the power back to Monsanto to poison the next generation, but only if your one of the multitudes that will be going to public schools. I’m sure that the private schools will still feed their children real food.

How can anyone watch what is happening and not be besides themselves, watching the dismantling of our country? 

We are going to sell our public lands and national parks to the highest bidder. We are throwing away any integrity we may have had with the sovereign nation of the Dakota Sioux. 

As we push for more oil and coal, and steer away from renewable energy. Countries such as Costa Rica, (considered a third world country by most Americans), has produced 99% of it’s electricy from renewable energy.

The United States, almost dead last. We are the only major industrial nation without an energy savings plan. We rank 13 out of 16 in the 2014 International Energy Score card. Pretty dismal for supposedly being the world leader and super power.

And in the midst of this catastrophic moment in time, I am reminded to hold Love for the world and all those who walk upon her shores.

To see the fearful, and bless them to grow past the blinding, False Evidence Appearing Real, (FEAR). All of this is being orchestrated by those with the most. Don’t believe me. Just look at the new administration’s cabinet. The lies, the deceit the creating of fear in the hearts of the men and women of our once great country.

I will spread my heart to those locked in the belief that this is the way we need it to be. I will spend every day making sure I assist those walking in darkness see the light. And those who are choosing to create darkness, I will light them up like the sun.

The pride of our president and the Christian alt-right pushing equally destructive unloving or caring agendas, will be the asking, what happened when, just as at the base of Mt. Sanai, dancing pridefully about their gold and superior nature, when the earth opened up to swallow the lot of them.


Pride is deceitful, intoxicating, and sin-breeding whether found in an individual, a group, a race, or a nation. It is literally true, “Pride goes before a fall.”

The narcissistic society that has been allowed to perpetuate within our country is what this quote was originally created for, almost 100 years ago it was written, and now we are witnesses to it truly being lived out.

I will hold the calm and peace of a new way. But never forget, just because I am peaceful doesn’t mean I do not have the ability to fight.

Project your light and peace into the prideful darkness of our time. For it is the only force that will truly stand the test of time…

Blessings, Love and Light to you and those you hold dear. In your hearts and in your shadows…


Megan… Thank you.


I knew all too well that the time was coming…

I found her walking through PetsMart one day… The Humane Society had animals for adoption there. She was in a tiny 2’x2′ box with glass.All fluffy white with tan and black accents, and tiny. I knew it was time. Our last cat, (Bungie), before Megan, had disappeared about 2 years earlier. It was time for another kitty, and Megan was the one.

I brought her home to a welcome of love…

She watched as the kids grew through their teens and moving out to college and the world. She was there for them when they didn’t want to be alone at night. She was there for them if they were home alone. She expressed her love and joy to sharing space. She was 3 when I brought her home, almost fourteen years ago.

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To Float…


Ever since I was in my teens I have always been fascinated by isolation tanks. I first was intrigued after watching the movie, “Altered States(1980),” where through using an isolation tank, the main character was mentally and physically altered through his experience.

None of that happened during my “Float.” But something did…

So on Facebook, or should I say NSA? I saw an ad for a place called Float Central in Bend, Oregon. When I walked in the Owner, Seth, invited me to help myself to tea or a piece of fruit while the filters were doing there job on the Float Tank I was going to use. Filtered between floaters answered a question in my mind.

When they were done, I was lead back to one of the rooms. Itr88678_800x450_16-9 was small, cozy, with a large rectangular tank in it.

 There was a shower, and it was inviting. I was instructed on how to get in and out of the tank without slipping. And to shower before and after.

I had heard about people floating in the Dead Sea, because of it’s salt content. Well, these tanks had, I believe, 200 pounds of Epsom Salt to recreate that type of experience. The lighting for the tank was a simple magnetic push light that you stick inside the door. I chose darkness.

So I had taken my shower and stepped into the warm water. The room was quiet, the only noise, a slight sloshing as I made sure not to slip on the slick bottom.

I was in… Now time to close the door and lay down. The quiet from the room became a silence in the tank. I lied back onto the water, not really trusting at first that I would not sink. After a few minutes, I realized the tension in my neck, as I was holding my head up, slightly. Not bad, but it was a little claustrophobic at first, not because of the tank or darkness, it was the air. The air was warm and thick, kind of like a humid summer day. I live above 3,000 feet and on the high desert side of the mountains because I like the crisp dry air.

I noticed that time became pretty irrelevant quickly, and I was enjoying the peace, deeply… I don’t know what I was expecting and then I started to Bless… Everything and everyone, as everyone is fighting their own battles. I started to play in the water, stretching, and making little waves that would move me to touch a side wall. At one point, I kept spinning like a compass needle, my head constantly wanting to move North.

Soon a peace fell upon me…

Throughout life, as an introvert, and a left handed right brain empath, life sometimes becomes to much with me. I felt, as in the movie, “Dare Devil(2003),” when the young boy hears and feels every wave of stimulation around him. And when he was older, he slept in a float tank to escape the noise of the world.

I felt that… The isolation became a haven from the world… I wanted to curl up into a ball, sink, and be completely submerged, as in the womb. It was a sublime moment of peace and tranquility.

The distraction, and also the ease to focus upon my breathe while meditating was really the only noise experienced. Well, that and when my heartbeat would pound in my ears.

As the 90 minutes of my float came to an end… slowly ascending music waft through the tank. A gentle reminder that the world was still outside, and I would once again be entering it. I did so with a balanced mind, soul and body, which made the transition much less of an onslaught of stimulus,  more a re-merging of the external and internal.

If you can find a place to Float, (if in Bend, OR, look up Float Central),and are not too claustrophobic, it is so worth it. I am going again, and again…

Blessings, Love & Light…

The highest form of consciousness, on the lowest rung of the ladder…


If we are the considered highest form of conscious beings on earth, we have a lot of work to do. We like to walk around thinking we are the most conscious species on the planet, I sometimes disagree.

I am beginning to believe that Agent Smith, (The Matrix 1999), actually had a better idea of what humanity has become in its fearful and scarcity consciousness state.

 “I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, and I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment; but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer on this planet, you are a plague, and we…are the cure.”

We are conscious evolutionary beings and for the most part, we are the highest level of consciousness. I question whether or not some, (dolphins, whales, etc.), may have a higher form of consciousness than us.

But I also believe, a dog never asks itself what it is like to be a cat. Or a bird contemplating the hues of the evening twilight. They may, but I believe they run more on a program of being a bird or evolutionary being. The one thing that I question often is why so many argue one side or another. Creative design or Evolution. The fact of the matter, in my world, is that it is always both.

I have had many a conversation with others about this and the thing that always suprises me is how adamantly people are against the idea that we were created. I point out to them that we, humans of the 21st century are cloning and creating beings, so why is this unfathomable to you.

So we tell ourselves, we need to manage the forests, and the oceans and many other things that have certainly managed themselves for millions of years before we arrived. Why we can’t just move past our ego minds and accept that all of creation is interlinked. What we do to another, we are doing to ourselves. But, selfish and segregated we are. Out of Fear…

I remember being told we experience through our senses less than 1% of the know universe, and still we use monikers like expert, in so many fields of life. And the highest form of intelligence, even though we are the most destructive beings on the planet. We still decide that war is an answer. That even though we grow enough food to feed fourteen billion, millions starve each year. Why? So someone can buy a yacht.

I certainly know things I can not explain how, I believe we all do… From the sense that is unseen, non-physical. our innate higher self, which knows the truth of our connection.

We have so much room to grow – if we don’t wipe ourselves out first.

Blessings, Love and Light…


Don’t ask how… Ask why.



Have you ever felt the presence of a thought that shakes you to your core? A knowing comes over you as if this is an important message that needs to be listened to.

And then, the inevitable question; “How am I supposed to do that?”

When these moments enter our sphere of thought, instead of asking how, the greater question is, Why! 

When I am hit with these thought forms that jar me with an unshakable fear of knowing that my life is about to be rattled with a new direction, perception or understanding. It is in those moments I ask, “Why is this coming to me?” What is the challenge or learning I am to step through.

This “Why”, comes when I ask myself, “Who am I to become through this moment? What new dimension of my-self is to emerge?

I, at this time am being pulled to a new direction… One that will take me away from that which is known, which feels safe, and which satiated my Soul. After the resounding, “How am I supposed to make that happen?”, goes off in my head, I slow down the anxiety and ask, Why?

The Why sometimes is murky, other times, clear as the shimmering stars of a new moon night.

So this “Why”, for me is offering up some titillating and seriously fear stepping choices and feats. All of which are the basis of a non-stagnant life. I have served the space I have resided for the last 17 years. Now I am being asked to unfold my Light and peaceful power in a new location.

If I choose to live a Soul surviving Life, then through the fear, and over the hurdles I must go…

I know Spirit thinks I’m a Bad Ass! I just wish She didn’t trust me so much…

Blessings, Love and Light to you all and those you hold dear… In your Heart; And in your Shadows…



When a closed mind meets an open mind…

As always… a conservative supporter avoiding the two most important questions of the discussion.

I still have yet to hear what it means to make America great again.

And I would love to hear how Trump’s, 6 billion dollar net-worth cabinet nominees, is relating to middle class Americans?
Lots of words, and just like the past eight years that the republicans have controlled the senate and house, I have neither seen, or heard, of one law or bill that the republicans crafted to help the average American. If someone would enlighten me, that would be great.

All I know is what I am seeing;
A censured Bigot for Attorney General. A man that claimed he is not suited to run a government agency for HUD. A climate dis-believer for head of the EPA. One of the orchestrators of the mortgage collapse for Treasury Sec. and Exxon CEO for Secretary of State. An opposed to a living wage business owner as Labor Secretary. I could go on. It almost seams as if the systematic dismantling of America’s world leader status has begun. I wonder which Country will take the reins, as we make the rich richer, and starve the serf’s…

I would be all for deregulation, if it wasn’t for simple human greed. Regulations came about because those who owned the businesses being regulated, abused their workforce, polluted the planet and didn’t care who they destroyed for a profit.

I fear that the emptying of the swamp he was talking about is the American People…, not Washington, DC.

Awesome Lesson…

When she was done, she looked to the students and they were all laughing at her, because of the first equation which was wrong, and then the teacher said the following, “I wrote that first one wrong on purpose, because I wanted you to learn something important. This was for you to know how the […]

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