I knew all too well that the time was coming…
I found her walking through PetsMart one day… The Humane Society had animals for adoption there. She was in a tiny 2’x2′ box with glass.All fluffy white with tan and black accents, and tiny. I knew it was time. Our last cat, (Bungie), before Megan, had disappeared about 2 years earlier. It was time for another kitty, and Megan was the one.
I brought her home to a welcome of love…
She watched as the kids grew through their teens and moving out to college and the world. She was there for them when they didn’t want to be alone at night. She was there for them if they were home alone. She expressed her love and joy to sharing space. She was 3 when I brought her home, almost fourteen years ago.
She had been slowing down gradually over the past year or so… just not hunting or staying out for all night walkabouts, like she used too.
A week ago, Megan started sleeping all the time. She would get up once in a while for food and water. then back to sleep.
She would look into my eyes with love and expressing that her tiny Soul was tired…
I had such trepidation with the idea of letting my daughter know. She loved our little Marshmallow, and I know she would come home at times just for the touchstone of Megan, as a grounding force, than for human interaction.
My Son, the huge protector and heart he is, kept stating he wanted to be here for my daughter and I, but I know he felt some sadness of the situation and would deal with it. Both of my children live through the emotions of their worlds, as well as through the logic. They both expressed the love they have in their hearts for Megan, and asked me to pass it on to Megan. Their lives unfolding in ways that prevent them from coming home.
I realized, once again a pattern. I was sitting on my front deck I was feeling sad, and expressing my sorry to Megan for any transgressions, if she felt she received any, and questioning the guilt of what I knew I had to do. Just at that moment, two young deer walk up to our deck and bleat the softest sounds I have ever heard from a deer.
As I was asking for forgiveness, I was being reminded to be gentle with myself, and forgive myself. The tears flowed…
The pattern, I mentioned, is one of external signification to an ending of a growth period. More simply put, throughout my life, at certain moments, pets pass when a new level of my journey is shifting into place. And the old learning, growing, morphing into my latest self has completed.
Another round in my children living their lives… This was the first significant event, within our circle, where we couldn’t be together. Which only brought tears as I felt the separation. I miss being there for them.
As I work out of the house, my twin-soul, loved, nursed and blessed Megan. It would have been much more impactful upon me if Victoria wasn’t here. I love, bless and thank her for the love and choices. The support was palpable.
When I came home from work to take Megan to the vet, she was sleeping under the dining table. I walked out to get a carrier out of storage, and when I stepped back in the house, she was sitting waiting for me. No fuss to go in the box. Just that loving tired look.
We drove, my hand on her, her just quietly looking around.
I spent time loving her, holding her expressing all of the gratitude for everything she brought into our lives…
She slept… The words, “I don’t hear a heartbeat anymore“, will forever be in my head.
Thank you Megan. That you existed. Love your friend, Michael